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Our Oscar gathering this year was lots of fun. Jun…

Our Oscar gathering this year was lots of fun. Junk food as far as the eye could see, plus nummy champagne cocktails courtesy of Lisa. Maria walked away with a trophy for the most correct picks, and thanked Entertainment Weekly and her mother in a short acceptance speech. Lisa won for Line of the Night and, although we were really honoring her for her entire body of work throughout the evening, her winning line was “Who knew you could improve upon a Yodel?” This remark was spurred by Janet’s soon-to-be-famous Frozen Yodels on a Stick. I walked away with the Outburst of the Night Award, which I created last year after having my Ryan O’Neal freakout. This year, my non-sequitor was, “I say, when we’re down the shore this summer, we only eat food on sticks.” So obviously, Janet’s creation has affected us all quite deeply. We thank her for that.

Of course, we also did our annual Alternate Porn Titles for the Best Picture Nominees. I’m pleased to present: Gang Bangs of New York, Lord of the Cock Rings – The Two Titties, The Whores, The Penis, and my personal favorite, Chicago: All That Jizz.

I ended the evening on a dramatic note when, while blowing out a candle, managed to blow some hot wax right into my eye. A few minutes under the faucet seemed to help.