36 responses for this post

1. Rona on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 11:18 am

   Uh, yeah. I don’t know what to say that.
   But yeah, don’t be throwing around the divorce word so lightly. That’s not cool.

2. Amy on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 11:45 am

   What else could be said that you didn’t cover? Your answer was awesome.

3. Kandis on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 11:48 am

   Excellent answer. Though I’d maybe throw in a map. I got the feeling that he maybe wasn’t sure of locations.

4. freakgirl on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 11:59 am

   Unless his wife is mute, there’s no reason for any woman to allow a man to just wander around down there with no direction.

5. Michael on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 12:03 pm

   Exactly! There’s no riding shotgun when it comes to getting your rocks off. She’s gotta grab the wheel. And his ears.

   Great advice, FG. If she can get off on her own, she can get off with him. If she can’t make it on her own, she needs to do some self-serve work first.

6. Chuck on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 12:05 pm

   A map! That’s hysterical!

   But seriously - where’s this f**king map?

7. Missy on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 12:16 pm

   Freakgirl, you always give wonderfully succinct responses. You cut right to the obvious, especially if the obvious isn’t so obvious to the person asking. You could make a career out of this.

8. Hugh on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 12:17 pm

   THE CLITORIS: [to Stan] Be not afraid.

   STAN: Oh, my god!

   THE CLITORIS: Behold my glory!

   STAN: What…are you?

   THE CLITORIS: I am the clitoris.

   STAN: The clitoris? I did it! I found the clitoris!

   THE CLITORIS: Stan! You must not let Terrance and Phillip’s blood be spilled on the ground!

   STAN: Wait. You’re supposed to tell me how to get Wendy to like me.

   THE CLITORIS: There are more important matters right now.

   STAN: No way, dude! I’ve looked all over for you, and now you have to tell me how to get Wendy to like me.

   THE CLITORIS: Dude, you just have to have confidence in yourself. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you. Chicks love confidence. Now go, hurry! [regally] The clitoris has spoken! [disappearing]

9. Lisa on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 12:44 pm

   It’s like CNN: constant updates.

10. freakgirl on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 12:45 pm

    Missy, thanks for the kind words. I’d love to make a career out of telling other people what to do.

11. freakgirl on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 12:47 pm

    Lisa - HA!

12. El Gato on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 1:17 pm

    Good answer. You thinking of eventually running a syndcated column?

13. freakgirl on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 1:19 pm

    You offering?

14. emily on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 1:42 pm

    At the risk of sounding like the HUGEST nerd ever, if you have a little time to kill, it’s quite entertaining to go back into archives and read past entries/FG’s responses. All of them are funny/witty, but most of them leave the reader in stitches/rolling on the floor. If not a column, FG, how about an assemblage of them, like essays? “Sauce and the City: A Collection of Problems and Their Freak Answers.” or some title much better…

15. Julie on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 2:08 pm

    I think your advice was spot on, FG. And something is going on in that relationship that no map can fix. There’s a whole underlying problem of manipulation and dishonesty that they gotta deal with.

16. Lisa on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 2:12 pm

    emily, That’s exactly what I’ve been telling her! “Ask Freakgirl” has always featured some of her best writing.

17. freakgirl on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 2:15 pm

    :”>

    Where’s my book deal? I’m a blogger - isn’t the law that I receive a book deal?

18. El Gato on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 2:18 pm

    You offering?

    freakgirl | 27 Sep 06 at 1:19 pm
    _____________________
    Nah. Wish I could tho’

19. Chuck on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 3:04 pm

    Blechs and the City?

20. Michael on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 3:11 pm

    It’s like CNN: constant updates.

    So funny, Lisa, especially for me, cuz when I’m trying to cum, I often picture Tony Award winner, James Earl Jones.

21. freakgirl on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 3:23 pm

    oh god.

22. Michael on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 3:26 pm

    This is CNN.

    Mmmmmm.

23. Michael on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 3:56 pm

    I kid. But on the flipside, if you’re ever trying to hold off, Wolf Blitzer totally works.

24. freakgirl on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 4:09 pm

    My goodness, this thread has run stunningly off-topic. Actually not off-topic, just into some very weird territory that has resulted in me being unable to ever watch the news again

    BTW, Michael, Lisa was actually quoting the fine film “Chasing Amy” up there; the scene where we hear Banky’s theories on oral sex.

    

25. Michael on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 4:36 pm

    Oh yeah! My bad.

    Sometimes when I’m watching Anderson Cooper, I get a no-touch release.

26. Greater Czarina on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 4:41 pm

    Lady, great answer, seriously. As for the questioner, if he thinks his wife hasn’t had an orgasm in 10 years, I’ve got a nice bridge for him to buy. She’s getting satisfied some other way…hopefully, for their marriage’s sake, by masturbation.

    Instead of tossing threats around, he should sit down and talk to her, make it clear that he wants to ‘please’ her, and discuss options for doing so (vibrators, etc.) It should be from the perspective that her pleasure is important to him because he loves her, not because his macho manliness is wounded by her failure to orgasm.

27. Maggie on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 4:48 pm

    Excellent advice, FG.

28. Maggie on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 4:55 pm

    As for the questioner, if he thinks his wife hasn’t had an orgasm in 10 years, I’ve got a nice bridge for him to buy. She’s getting satisfied some other way…hopefully, for their marriage’s sake, by masturbation.

    GC, maybe not. I don’t think it’s that uncommon for some women (or men) to write off sex because they have some kind of hang-up or another.

29. freakgirl on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 5:26 pm

    This reminds of me of last week’s Desperate Housewives where Bree experiences her first orgasm and goes to the doctor because she thinks she might have had a stroke.

30. Hugh on Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 6:14 pm

    “if you’re ever trying to hold off, Wolf Blitzer totally works.

    I always yell “BLITZERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” right at the Big Moment. Is that weird?

31. mike on Saturday, September 30, 2006 at 3:16 pm

    freakgirl,

    I originally decided to write to you because I thought it would make me feel better to share with someone what I’ve been too embarrassed to talk to anyone else about. I have talked to my wife many, many times, and tried to convince her to go to counseling with me, but she has so far refused. So relating my situation anonymously to someone I hoped would be sympathetic felt really good.

    What I didn’t anticipate, however, was that others would be free to comment, too, and that my situation would become a kind of running joke. Everyone has a good laugh at my expense, and then moves on to the next post about cats or television shows. But what for all of you is entertainment is for me an unresolved source of frustration and conflict.

32. freakgirl on Sunday, October 01, 2006 at 9:39 am

    If you were familiar with my website, you would have known how Ask Freakgirl works. I give my specific advice, and then allow my readers to tell me if they agree.

    Also, I honestly don’t think anyone was having any laughs at your expense. I thought there was a lot of good information provided by my readers. Any jokes made were certainly not intended to hurt your feelings; in fact, I think a healthy attitude towards sex includes humor. Just because people are laughing about sex doesn’t mean they are laughing at you.

    Of course I am sympathetic to your issues, but like I said, snooping in someone’s email and mentioning the word “divorce” point to some larger problems that perhaps you’re not being honest with yourself about. I’m sorry for your troubles, and I truly hope you and your wife are able to work something out.

33. mike on Monday, October 02, 2006 at 12:10 am

    If you read the comments carefully, I think it’s obvious that I’m the butt of the joke here; you and your readers aren’t laughing about sex in general, but about my situation in particular.

    Having said that, the main reason I responded the way I did was to pick a fight with you. I wanted to be angry with someone–anyone–about what was going on because my wife refuses to discuss the problem. You are the convenient target of that frustration. For that, I sincerely apologize.

    As for working something out–don’t hold your breath.

34. freakgirl on Monday, October 02, 2006 at 10:48 am

    I’m very sorry to hear that.

35. mike on Wednesday, October 04, 2006 at 8:45 am

    Hmmmm…is this your polite way of ending the conversation?

    Happy belated birthday, by the way. And to freakboy, too.

36. mike on Thursday, October 05, 2006 at 8:44 am

    GEEKboy, sorry.

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