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Last night was the Oscars, and along with that com…

Last night was the Oscars, and along with that comes our annual party. This year we had about ten people over, which means our party has doubled in size! More people equals more fun, too. The big winner in our house was Miss Janet, who walked away with two prizes – Most Correct Picks and The Mystery Prize. The Mystery Prize is decided by me; I pick a word or an action and wait for someone to utter or do it. Last night, Janet was the first one to say, “Bush.” The Line of The Night Award (Ryan O’Neal Memorial) went to first-timer Paul, who, commenting on the dueling accents of Selma Hayek and Penelope Cruz, called the award they were presenting “The ESL Award.” Rude? Maybe a little. Funny? Yah.

Our traditional Best Picture Nominee Porn Names went a bit like this: The Aviator? The Analator. Finding Neverland? I maintain that the title is dirty as is (thanks, Michael!), but the Greatzer Czar suggested Fingering Neverland. EWWW! Million Dollar Baby? Million Dollar Bootie. Ray? We came up with two on this one – Splay or Spray. Sideways? Uhhhhhh…crap, I can’t remember. Anyone?

Now. Let’s just do a quick fashion review. And by the way, when did mermaid dresses come back in style? They were everywhere, and watching women have to shuffle across the stage like their feet were bound together really isn’t doing much for female empowerment in Hollywood. And what was up with the glamazon women onstage, towering over everyone? Anyway. First up – Renee Zellwegger. Paul remarked that she looked like Lily Tomlin. The hair color is too dark and her face is way too stretched or botoxed or whatever the hell she is doing. Also? Mermaid dress. Kate Winslet, on the other hand, is always gorgeous. Love her. Natalie Portman‘s dress was popular in our house, but I personally wasn’t crazy about it. Hilary Swank’s dress was the mullet of the Oscars – business in the front, party in the back! Every time I see Salma Hayek, I wonder if I might be playing for the wrong team. Cate Blanchett is pure Hollywood – although I’m not sure about the sash. Love the color of the dress. He just LOOKS like he smells, doesn’t he? This is hard for me to say, but Gwynnie looked pretty damn good. HATED Laura Linney‘s hair. Mermaid dress. Gomez and Morticia, anyone? I don’t care how he looked, Johnny Depp is always white hot. He got applause in our house for simply walking onscreen. Kirsten Dunst looked lovely, I thought, with her blondie-blonde hair. I had nightmares about this face. Imelda Staunton looked adorable, but WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BEHIND HER? Tim Robbins, fresh from his lobotomy. Die.