I Hate You, Singing Pirate Credit Report Guy
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 09:25amYou’re probably familiar with the Free Credit Report commercials, the ones with that guy singing songs about his bad credit? And how his life is so tough? My hatred, let me show you it.
Credit Report Guy was a victim of identity theft and now has to work in restaurant to pay off his credit cards. He claims if he had checked his credit report, this wouldn’t have happened. I don’t know how that would have prevented identity theft. Seems like maybe he shouldn’t have used 1234 as his password, perhaps. Regardless, apparently working in a restaurant is beneath him. Oh, and he hates tourists that wear t-shirts. Shut up, Credit Report Guy.
Next, Credit Report Guy wants to buy a car. Unfortunately, his credit is bad, so he can’t get the big convertible penismobile he desires. Instead, he has to buy an ugly used car, which will prevent him and his friends from getting tail. WTF, Credit Report Guy, I thought you were married! Dick.
Now he tells us he got married to his dream girl. I guess she loved him in spite of his bad credit and crappy car? Turns out, though, Dream Girl has bad credit of her own that she neglected to tell him about. They have to live in her parents’ basement (I guess his parents are dead), and it’s painfully obvious he hates her. Also, he makes her do chores while he plays guitar with his stupid friends. He tells us that if he had known about her bad credit, he never would have married her in the first place. So it’s okay for YOU to have bad credit, but not HER?
You’re an asshole, Credit Report Guy.
Grey Rainbow on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 9:28 am
I caught my daughter singing one of these ditties the other day, ugh!
Charlie on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 9:32 am
Breathe.
GeekBoy on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 9:32 am
Seriously, if I saw that guy in real life, I might have to kick him in the nads.
freakgirl on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 9:36 am
jon on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 10:14 am
I press mute on the commercials and make fun of them while I try to guess what they are selling. That one took me months to figure out. - It’s a fun game, you should try it.
ali on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 10:24 am
once again, it makes me so very happy that i do not watch commercials. i just watched these and he makes me want to poke my eyes out.
charlsa on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 10:39 am
you’re friggin hilarious. now i have that damn song in my head, though.
Dave on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 11:16 am
Y’know, if he goes to his bank and points out that he didn’t buy 42 pinball machines in the Congo, he wouldn’t be out any money. Some people just like to bitch, I guess.
Joanne on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Oh my God, I love that guy. I think he is so cute. ::hangs head in shame::
freakgirl on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 6:03 pm
He looks like Blossom’s boyfriend Vinnie.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0489476/
marta on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 8:58 pm
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT!???!!!??? I *love* these commercials. Well, the second one in particular. Love it.
freakgirl on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Well, there’s no accounting for taste.
marta on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 10:44 pm
CREDIT REPORT DOT COM BAAAYYBEEEE!
Maggie on Wednesday, July 23, 2008 at 2:23 am
How utterly annoying! Bad Tivo, for allowing you to see this!
freakgirl on Wednesday, July 23, 2008 at 7:57 am
Heh, these commercials play nonstop when I’m watching live tv. Even the TiVo can’t save me from live tv.
Brandi on Friday, August 08, 2008 at 4:58 pm
comment removed by freakgirl — Please do not call other commenters “morons” or you will find yourself banned.