freakgirl.com

Neglectful

freakgirl — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 02:18:43 +0000

Sorry I've been neglecting you guys lately. Life has gotten in the way. Work is, well, work, and derby takes up a lot of my other time. I gotta be honest and say I've been having a really hard time with derby lately. My skills have taken a nosedive and so has my courage and drive. Everything seems so hard. When I skate, I'm in physical pain. It shoots down my shins into my ankles until I want to just wail. I don't know if I need a break, or what, but it's become more stress than fun, so I have to figure out something. For now, I've dropped down a level to give myself somewhat of a break, but I find myself embarrassed to be there. Which, I know logically, is ridiculous. I need to do what I can, how I can, when I can.

I need to find the love of the sport again. If you have any advice, let me know, because I need to hear it. I can't imagine my life without roller derby, but I also can't imagine continuing to put myself under this amount of pressure week in and week out.

As for other things...I saw my doctor the other day and she thinks I am "overmedicated." She is not the first person to describe me as "flat" and "depressed." I agree with her. The next time I see my psychiatrist I am going to start weaning off one of my medications. I'm not taking no for an answer on this one. I'm also suspicious (and my doctor agrees) that this medication has caused a significant weight gain. I have struggled with weight my entire life, and putting on a bunch of extra seemingly overnight -- weight that won't go away, with nearly seven hours of exercise per week plus dieting -- has done disastrous damage to my self-esteem.

I am not as bad off as I was before, but I'm struggling in a very different way. I'm starting to see the side effects of all the medication I've had to take, and it's not pretty. Would I do things differently? I don't know. The medication saved my life; I know this. But it came at a cost, and now I'm paying.

Blast from the Past Music Video

freakgirl — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 14:11:49 +0000

The Ramones, "Rock n Roll Radio"

Paul Rudd Freestyling

freakgirl — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 15:58:13 +0000

You're welcome.

Here We Go

freakgirl — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 14:39:19 +0000

So, another year begins. I really hope 2012 is better than last year -- for me, for my family, for you, for everyone. 2011 was fucked up. This year I hope to get a handle on my depression. One thing I need to remember, and that I've learned from The Bloggess, is that depression lies to you. It tells you bad things, things that aren't true, things that will hurt you down to your core. I have to remember that those feelings are real, but they're not TRUE. Do you know what I mean?

This year I hope to improve my skating, although it is getting more difficult each year. I'm really starting to feel my age. Today I went back to boot camp in an effort to improve my fitness level and to lose some much-needed weight. Right now I'm so sore I'm kind of embarrassed.

I also hope to stay more connected to my friends this year, as well as make new connections in my life. I need a new adventure, one that I hope will lead me to what I've been looking for.

What do you hope for this year?

Another Year Gone

freakgirl — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 22:49:01 +0000

Bonus Christmas Music Video

freakgirl — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 13:36:48 +0000

Because I love it.

Homemade Peppermint Marshmallows

freakgirl — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 19:25:35 +0000

Amazing in hot chocolate or just by themselves. Recipe here.

Blast from the Past Music Video

freakgirl — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 18:50:58 +0000

Rufus Wainwright, "Spotlight on Christmas."

Blast from the Past Music Video

freakgirl — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:00:20 +0000

"Father Christmas," The Kinks.

RAWK!

freakgirl — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 16:56:28 +0000