Autumn Family Festival, My Ass
Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 11:15amI found a flyer stuck on our door the other day as I came home from running errands. It was from a local church, advertising an “Autumn Family Festival.” My rant after the jump.
1) If you leave flyers on my door without knowing who I am or what my affiliations are, you have no right to tell me what I can wear to your “festival.”
2) You can call it an “Autumn Festival” or whatever you want, but we all know you’re celebrating Halloween. Don’t pretend you’re not. You’re celebrating A PAGAN HOLIDAY, so stop sugarcoating it and stop trying to appropriate EVERY seasonal celebration in the name of Jesus. And speaking of Jesus, I guess according to your rules I can’t wear the Passion of the Christ costume I was so excited about.
3) Oh, and leave me alone, CHURCH. Trust me, if I need you, I’ll let you know.
4) Yes, I’m fully aware that I’m probably overreacting.
Marjon on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Neh, you’re absolutely right, you’re not overreacting at all. This is stupid. And now you have to recycle their stupid paper as well. Bleh.
Jen Rodis on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 1:03 pm
2. Yeah, you’re overreacting a bit. It’s just a pity that church gives the rest of them a bad name and a reputation as retards.
marta on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Is there a friend you can borrow a kid from for the night? You could have some fun with this.
Laura on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 1:43 pm
We went to the “Harvest Festival” at the kids’ school, too - I was told they aren’t ALLOWED to use words like “Halloween” and “Christmas” in the schools anymore, hence the whole, “Harvest Festival” and “Winter Break” thing. But - that’s the SCHOOLS, y’know? The church, I don’t know what their deal is.
Although, I’m wondering if the “family friendly” costume suggestion is just so little kids aren’t scared half to death? Maybe they’re promoting it as an alternative for parents where they can take their kids and not have the life scared out of them? I have a 12-year-old who was a MAJOR scaredy cat when she was a kid. Maybe that’s all it is.
P.S. Yay for quotation marks!
freakgirl on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Jen, I don’t know what the word “retards” has to do with anything.
Laura, nice work with the quotation marks.
I think I just have a problem with Halloween being sanitized. I also have a problem with anybody putting flyers in my door.
chuckb123 on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 2:19 pm
What if it were a flyer looking for gin tasters?
Greater Czarina on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 2:47 pm
I think we have to drop by this, as bunnies say, Harvest Festival. I’m sure we can find something appropriate to wear. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
freakgirl on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Very funny, Chuck. What they would probably do is take Gin Tasting Day (otherwise known as Freakgirl’s Birthday) and turn it into Refreshing Beverage Day and families would come from miles around and sip apple juice from martini glasses.
GC, now THAT would be an interesting day.
chuckb123 on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 4:18 pm
HAHA!! Awesome!
Hugh on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 8:42 pm
FLANDERS: Well, if God didn’t make little green apples, it’s Homer Simpson!
How long have you been here?
HOMER:Twenty of the suckiest minutes of my life.
FLANDERS: Ho ho ho, suckin’ down the cider, eh? Hey, word to the wise — [shows Homer a card] season pass! It pays for itself after the sixteenth visit. You know, most people don’t know the difference between apple cider and apple juice, but I do. Now here’s a little trick to help you remember. If it’s clear and yella’, you’ve got juice there, fella! If it’s tangy and brown, you’re in cider town. Now, there’s two exceptions and it gets kinda tricky here…
[Homer’s brain gets bored]
HOMER’S BRAIN:[moans] You can stay, but I’m leaving.
[footsteps, door closing; Homer is now staring blankly]
FLANDERS:.. can be yellow, if they’re using late season apples. And, of course, in Canada, the whole thing’s flip-flopped.
[Homer collapses]
FLANDERS: Oh, my! I’d better get you some cider.
the other andrew on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 9:28 pm
“We look forward to see you there…”
Aaaaargh! Don’t they know that JESUS HATES POOR GRAMMAR USAGE. Unnamed Church, YOU ARE ALL GOING TO HELL.
I’ll look forward to NOT see you there! Oh, crap.
freakgirl on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Andrew, I was so blinded by my self-righteousness, I totally overlooked that typo!
I should be punished.
Jill on Monday, October 29, 2007 at 6:15 pm
I wish I had time to grammatically correct every piece of propaganda I receive and give it back.