And Just as Quickly as It Came, It Disappeared
I have completely lost all my progress. I don’t want to talk about the circumstances. But everything has come undone. I am back where I started, but I think I’m worse.
Last week this girl in group started sobbing, saying, “I’ve spent months here trying to learn that I am not a worthless person, and in one fell swoop, someone told me I was. What do you do when someone validates your worst fear about yourself?”
Now I know how she felt. Why do we let people affect us so deeply? How do they end up in our heads? How do you keep them out? I don’t know.
*** EDITED *** Thanks, all. I feel sooooo much better today. I was on some serious sleep deprivation the other night and everything just spiraled. After some sleep and the great news that Mom is coming home this weekend, I am pulling myself out of the hole and blinking in the sun. I’m planning to talk to my shrink today. I love you all from the bottom of my crazy stupid heart.
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August 25th, 2011 - 09:52
Don’t. Give. Up. I believe in you.
August 25th, 2011 - 09:55
We never lose our progress – everything you’ve learned thus far doesn’t disappear, it just gets obscured during the darker moments. Setbacks can also be a part of recovery. Hang in there and know you’ve got a bunch of people in your corner, thinking of you, praying for you, and generally wishing you only the best. xoxo
August 25th, 2011 - 09:59
I am giving up.
August 25th, 2011 - 10:01
Don’t give up. It is ALWAYS darkest before the dawn. Seriously.
August 25th, 2011 - 10:06
I do not have the strength to do this anymore. I’m just going to try to live like this. Be alone. People are only here to hurt me.
August 25th, 2011 - 12:53
I love you!
August 25th, 2011 - 14:24
FG, You have so many people in your court that clearly outweigh any worthless person’s comments. You are so strong to be facing all that you are going through. It will only get better.
August 25th, 2011 - 15:12
1. During those times when you don’t feel strong, let US be strong for you. We love you.
2. You CAN do this. I promise. It feels like hell when you’re going through it, but it’s amazing on the other side.
3. Hey – *I* did it and I’m the biggest dork in the world. You CAN do it.
4. The next person that tries to hurt you? Send ‘em my way. I will pummel them with my tiny fists of fury.
5. xoxoxox
August 25th, 2011 - 16:10
I wish I could say something to make it better but I know I can’t. I just want to give you a big hug!
August 25th, 2011 - 16:48
What?!
Look at all the admirers and friends you have, just on this site.
(I bet there are even more IRL.)
Can you write off the people who find value in being dickish? Ignore or dismiss them?
If not, can you acknowledge that some of the things they say are, well, WRONG?
Just keep being awesome. And maybe pity the folks who can’t see that, instead of letting them hurt you.
August 25th, 2011 - 21:28
Well suck. And it’s okay to give up for a while. When I go into the pit, sometimes I just need to lock myself in the house and watch stupid amounts of netflix. Not talk to anyone, not go out, not deal. Sometimes it takes a couple of months, sometimes only a couple of days, but if I don’t allow myself the time to reset it only gets worse.
Do talk to your doctor and try different medications though. Mental illness sucks. For some of us it never really goes away, always lurking in the shadows waiting for the opportunity to smother. There aren’t any obvious physical symptoms so you can’t say, “oh, I have the rash so clearly I’m not well. Then, oh the rash is gone so now I’m better.” There simply isn’t an easy way to measure how you’re doing.
I wish I had a solution.
August 26th, 2011 - 01:03
:( I’m sorry to hear. Don’t let what someone else says/thinks get the best of you. Just remember that there are many people who think you’re absolutely amazing just the way you are, and who care for you and want the best for you. Times may be tough, but hang in there, and I’m sure it’ll get better. Try different meds, surround yourself with positivity, think about what makes you happy & focus on it.
Thinking of you, sending you hugs. And hoping that this maybe makes you smile at least a little bit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....r_embedded
And if that doesn’t help, maybe this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....r_embedded
August 26th, 2011 - 18:10
I’m glad you’re better and that you’re listening to your body’s signals — I think a risk of focusing so much effort on the mental is overlooking the physical. I also know from my own experience that therapy is WORK and you need a LOT of rest.
Maybe all that meant that your defenses were down when that person trash-talked you. I wish that it had not happened, or that you had the chance to stop that person from talking. But since that happened, I wish that you could let it roll off you as revealing far more about that person than telling some deep truth about you.
I don’t know what role that person plays in your life, but maybe you can do without that role or simply replace him/her in that role if you get what I mean. Is this person vital? Family?
August 27th, 2011 - 10:50
I’ve addressed the issue and hopefully now all is well.
All of these rapid med adjustments are wreaking havoc with my head. Really looking forward to getting more stability, med-wise.
Therapy is a TON of work, especially for several hours each day. It wears you out. You’re emotionally and physically spent.